There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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