I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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