I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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