I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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