I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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