drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize