I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize