Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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