I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I forget how to act sober
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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