Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
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i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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