I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize