That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize