He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize