my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize