instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize