If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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