Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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