im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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