I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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