If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I need a burrito and a hug.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize