I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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