i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize