So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
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I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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