From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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