If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize