he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize