I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no you cant smoke seaweed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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