new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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