My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize