boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize