It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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