I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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