im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize