1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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