you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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