we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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