holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize