Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize