I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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