Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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