i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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