I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
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My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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