She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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