I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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