Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Blood and glitter go together right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize