I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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