Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize