she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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