'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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