I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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